The holidays have always been a strain on my emotions. Growing up, I can remember but one Christmas I got to spend with my Dad and his family. Mom would always drag me from this house to the next and in the end, I pretty much was a silent presence in the room. It didn’t help that I’m an introvert… Anyways, I hated being dragged around and I hated not being able to enjoy family holidays with all of my family.
For most of my 20s, I spent the holidays on the road. Whether it was driving from Roanoke back to Appomattox to do the same dance or drive from Charlottesville back to Appomattox to do the same dance or drive from Richmond back to Appomattox to do the same dance. At least I did go visit my dad and his family, because I could drive. However, there was more driving, because we also went to Roanoke to visit my wife’s family, too. So, not only did I miss people I didn’t get to see, many times I missed my wife, because sometimes we would visit separately just to cover more ground in the same amount of time.
Everything changed in 2007, however. I was betrayed, in different ways, by 2 people I thought I could trust the most. After that, I didn’t have the same urge to catch up with family anymore. I had a terrible start to 2009 because of some dirt I did. On top of that, a conversation with my mom about how she felt about my name change just threw me over the edge. Sadly, family now means a lot less to me now than it ever has.
We haven’t really left Fort Osolage to visit family much at all this year. The difference is that I don’t feel pressed to do it, either. Yes, I do feel bad for missing out on seeing everybody that I care about, but I suppose you could say I’m able to sort out my feelings and really understand what/who is important to me without being influenced by the ghosts of slavery, alcoholism or chaotic living.
This year, I am thankful to not be on the road for the Thanksgiving holiday. Last time my wife and I traveled, we found ourselves behind a drunk driver, which we pursued hoping our plea to 911 would result in an arrest. Add that encounter, plus my accident on Easter “weekend”, plus a tingling in my soul that it’s just too much of a risk to be on the road with all the drunks and inattentive shoppers and you see how easy it was to decide on not travelling…
So this year, I am most thankful for:
- having an insanely beautiful and incredibly genius Native American/Black woman 1) enjoying the holiday weekend with me and 2) cooking a nice size bird in our renovated kitchen
- this wonderful, beat-up ol’ shack that we call home
- skills that enable me to have a job where I can pay for this shack and pay for my wife’s schooling and put food on the table and not be so broke that we can’t buy some of the frivolous things we want
- family that we miss and they miss us in return (especially those that betrayed us)
- having survived dropping my bike and the guy that got the license plate of the inattentive driver that pulled out in front of me
- being more comfortable in my own skin more than I ever have been in my entire life
- realizing that even if this country crumbles, it ain’t the end of the World. I mean, time passes and countries come and go – even in the short time this assemblage of matter that I call “my body” has walked the Earth.
Honestly, I should say also that I’m thankful for my co-workers. And I’m extremely thankful for my new DBA apprentice/future partner in crime, Steve Pendlebury (@BionicChango). 2010 is truly gonna be an awesome year in my career with Steve, the rest of my team and SharePoint 2010 to keep me going!